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  Narrative Writing on Michael Jordan - Draft One

Link to the Home Page of the Hong Kong  Polytechnic University

By George Lam, Anthony Leung, Ivan Leung, Eric Lo, Jason Lo and Luk Chi Kwan.

Jordan, Michael (1963 - ), leading scorer in the NBA, and the winner of 3 NBA MVP (awards).

Jordan was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised in Wilmington, North Carolina. He acted as (was) a freshman at (in) 1982, and he left college in 1984 to play with the Chicago Bulls of the NBA. He finished his first season (1984-1985) as one of the top scorers in the league. He finished the 1986-1987 season as the second player.

Till now, he has led the NBA in scoring for 7 consecutive seasons (1987-1993) . He because (became) the Chicago Bull’s all-time leading scorer, with 21,541 points, and his NBA scoring records include, (the) highest career average (32.3 point per game); (the) highest career playoff scoring average (34.7 point per game); (the) most points in a playoff game (63 points against the Boston Celtics in 1986); (and) the highest scoring average for an NBA championship series.

Jordan announced his retirement prior to the 1993-1994 season, his retired as one of the great all-around basketball player (s) in NBA history.

Early in 1994 Jordan returned to professional sports, He returned as a basketball player. And now, He supposes (wants) to be a professional golf player since he (is) also interest (ed) in it beside (s) basketball.

Feedback: Quite good. However, there are a few careless mistakes, such as ‘at 1982’ and using a capital letter for ‘He’ after a comma.

  • You need to say what ‘MVP’ means, as in British English we say ‘man of the match’, so British English readers might not know what ‘MVP’ means.
  • For records, use ‘the’ in front of each record, because it is a ‘superlative’, like comparative and superlative adjectives.
  • If you write ‘one of the’ you must use a plural noun; eg. ‘One of the greatest basketball players of all time.’
  • People are interested in a subject or hobby. The rule is, if you are describing your or a person’s feeling, use ‘_ed’, if you are describing a thing or an activity, ie. the cause of the feeling, use ‘_ing’. For example, ‘I am interested in football, but volleyball is not interesting.’
  • ‘Beside’ (no ‘s’) describes a place, ‘besides’ (with an ‘s’) is similar to ‘as well’.
  • You haven’t put any references or a bibliography, which would cause you to fail in the real assessment.

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Last updated on: Friday, December 14, 2001.